Addressing Abuse
Letter #1- Introduction and Why Priorities Matter
Dear church family,
I wish to address a specific concern that I have regarding the prevalence of abuse and harm that exists within Christian communities (including churches, homes, educational institutions, and para church organizations). To be clear and to address any possible speculation- there is no one person here in our Community Baptist Church congregation that is the catalyst for this concern. Rather it is my own experience: observing stories and news reports of church harm in the wider world, personally hearing numerous accounts of individuals’ experiences, and witnessing for myself the harms that have occurred in Christian settings. There is a saying that states “nothing can hurt like a church, also nothing can heal like a church”. I want us at Community Baptist Church to be a place that embodies the healing part of that statement. As I have previously communicated this is the first of six letters that I intend to share with you addressing this concern. I am aware letters will not effectively stop abuse or heal past hurt. Rather my hope is that these letters will bring awareness, initiate curiosity, prompt discussion, create opportunity for honest assessment, and lead us towards practices that foster healing and prevent further harm.
I want to start by clarifying what I mean when I use words like harm and abuse. Abuse is the action that causes harm as the result. Abuse includes many forms. Mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse are all forms of abuse, and all lead to results of harm. While I understand that each instance of abuse is unique and that a variety of factors are involved for every scenario, I also want to be clear that it is unnecessary to quantify or compare individual experiences. This is unnecessary because none of it belongs in the church. Causing hurt has no place amongst a group of people that claim to follow the example of Jesus. We use the word abuse because we do not have to fear using the accurate word that describes mistreating someone and leaving them harmed. We acknowledge that we are called to overcome all forms of abuse and strive for the opposite of abuse- healing- because we have confidence in Christ’s example. Healing, restoration, renewal is all language to indicate a reversal from suffering to thriving and is the basis for what we teach as the good news of Jesus.
As the church we are called to be like Jesus. He gave us examples of healing in his life and ministry that we can learn from. Because of these examples we can face any kind of suffering with earnest trust in good outcomes. Here are a few characteristics that we can consider when thinking about what healing like Jesus might look like:
- Healing is the opposite of harm. While it is true that Jesus did not appease people and at times was even wildly unpopular and rejected- he did not abuse people. We must not conflate refusal to appease with justification for causing harm, especially with those who are vulnerable and in our care. If the result of our interactions with others is hurt, especially if this is a common result, we must be honest that we might not be truly following Jesus’ example.
-Healing requires us to get to the source of the injury. Healing is not simply reducing conflict, covering over inflamed situations, or temporary relief. Healing requires addressing the source of harm and removing the cause so that lasting restoration can take place.
-Healing requires direct contact. Jesus came as the incarnate God and directly interacted with those he healed. He laid hands on people, listened to them, and had direct contact with those suffering. There is a place for policies, safety protocols, and programing, but they are insufficient to alone prevent future abuse and to heal hurt. To be a place of healing requires direct involvement with people. It can be inefficient and messy at times, but to be with people is to be more like Jesus.
-Healing requires love and compassion. To follow in Jesus’ example of healing is to follow Jesus’ motivation of compassion. Jesus was not just proving a point or trying to impress people with his skills. He truly and deeply wanted to see people thrive. If we lack the motivation of genuinely wanting to see people succeed- especially when we do not benefit from it- then we lack the same motivation Jesus shows.
This brings us to the last part of this letter. Our priorities matter. I mean two things when I say that priorities matter. The first is that if we treat abuse in the church as a casual problem, we will only give a casual attempt at a solution. Abuse is a serious concern that deserves our serious attention.
A central call in our community is to love God and love people. We do not shy away from the fact that this call is to love God with everything that we have, all our heart, all our soul, all our strength, and all our mind. We also recognize that loving people is not a separate call, these two are integrated with each other. They cannot exist separately. We hypocritically claim to love God if we are not loving others, and we cannot even understand what love is unless we first are loved by and reciprocate love with God. The call to love others as we love our selves is not a separate instruction, rather, it is description of HOW we love others. We love others in the same way we love ourselves. This is the priority. If I am hungry, it does not leave my attention until I have satisfied that hunger. If I am hurt, I cannot forget that it happened. The hurt stays with me and it will not get better until it is addressed. This is how we love others, as if it was happening to us. If we truly love other people, it means they matter and have the same importance as we give ourselves.
The second thing I mean when I say “priorities matters” is that we need to assess and be intentional about what matters most to us. St. Augustine talks about living a righteous life through the means of a well-ordered heart. If we prize the things that ought to be loved the most, and we give less love to things that ought to be loved less, then our lives will naturally fall into a God pleasing pattern. This requires us to consider what matters most to us. Is it people? Resources? Reputation? Safety? We have many things that matter to us, and often they are not in competition with each other. Usually, we can exist in a place where we can take care of multiple things that matter. However, what happens when we do have to chose? When the situation arises that we cannot take care of multiple needs we will protect what matters most to us, it is the natural response. And if we have failed to prioritize in a way that reflects God’s priorities, we will find ourselves in opposition to him.
I think this may be a more common occurrence than we realize. I do not think the prevalence of abuse in Christian settings has arisen because so many believers have intentionally chosen to cause harm. I think the failure lies in too many situations and too many occurrences when believers have protected the wrong priorities and it has led to very ungodly results. Priorities matter in both of these ways. That we treat abuse and harm with the same importance that we would give if it happened to us, and that we asses what matters to us in a way that reflects God’s values. It matters that we take the time to consider what priorities look like in our lives.
I started this letter with the statement that I have a concern, because I do. The issue of abuse and church hurt is one that grieves me deeply. But I also have abundant hope. I have this hope because I have faith in a God who is good and wants good things for his people, a God who has shown his ability to heal and do so with abundance. I also have hope because I have witnessed healing, I know it to be a beautiful and wonderful thing. And last (but not least) I have hope because I hear and see within this church people who share this concern with me. This hope is what leads me to think that there will be good things in store as we go through this journey of creating a space of healing.
I wish to address a specific concern that I have regarding the prevalence of abuse and harm that exists within Christian communities (including churches, homes, educational institutions, and para church organizations). To be clear and to address any possible speculation- there is no one person here in our Community Baptist Church congregation that is the catalyst for this concern. Rather it is my own experience: observing stories and news reports of church harm in the wider world, personally hearing numerous accounts of individuals’ experiences, and witnessing for myself the harms that have occurred in Christian settings. There is a saying that states “nothing can hurt like a church, also nothing can heal like a church”. I want us at Community Baptist Church to be a place that embodies the healing part of that statement. As I have previously communicated this is the first of six letters that I intend to share with you addressing this concern. I am aware letters will not effectively stop abuse or heal past hurt. Rather my hope is that these letters will bring awareness, initiate curiosity, prompt discussion, create opportunity for honest assessment, and lead us towards practices that foster healing and prevent further harm.
I want to start by clarifying what I mean when I use words like harm and abuse. Abuse is the action that causes harm as the result. Abuse includes many forms. Mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse are all forms of abuse, and all lead to results of harm. While I understand that each instance of abuse is unique and that a variety of factors are involved for every scenario, I also want to be clear that it is unnecessary to quantify or compare individual experiences. This is unnecessary because none of it belongs in the church. Causing hurt has no place amongst a group of people that claim to follow the example of Jesus. We use the word abuse because we do not have to fear using the accurate word that describes mistreating someone and leaving them harmed. We acknowledge that we are called to overcome all forms of abuse and strive for the opposite of abuse- healing- because we have confidence in Christ’s example. Healing, restoration, renewal is all language to indicate a reversal from suffering to thriving and is the basis for what we teach as the good news of Jesus.
As the church we are called to be like Jesus. He gave us examples of healing in his life and ministry that we can learn from. Because of these examples we can face any kind of suffering with earnest trust in good outcomes. Here are a few characteristics that we can consider when thinking about what healing like Jesus might look like:
- Healing is the opposite of harm. While it is true that Jesus did not appease people and at times was even wildly unpopular and rejected- he did not abuse people. We must not conflate refusal to appease with justification for causing harm, especially with those who are vulnerable and in our care. If the result of our interactions with others is hurt, especially if this is a common result, we must be honest that we might not be truly following Jesus’ example.
-Healing requires us to get to the source of the injury. Healing is not simply reducing conflict, covering over inflamed situations, or temporary relief. Healing requires addressing the source of harm and removing the cause so that lasting restoration can take place.
-Healing requires direct contact. Jesus came as the incarnate God and directly interacted with those he healed. He laid hands on people, listened to them, and had direct contact with those suffering. There is a place for policies, safety protocols, and programing, but they are insufficient to alone prevent future abuse and to heal hurt. To be a place of healing requires direct involvement with people. It can be inefficient and messy at times, but to be with people is to be more like Jesus.
-Healing requires love and compassion. To follow in Jesus’ example of healing is to follow Jesus’ motivation of compassion. Jesus was not just proving a point or trying to impress people with his skills. He truly and deeply wanted to see people thrive. If we lack the motivation of genuinely wanting to see people succeed- especially when we do not benefit from it- then we lack the same motivation Jesus shows.
This brings us to the last part of this letter. Our priorities matter. I mean two things when I say that priorities matter. The first is that if we treat abuse in the church as a casual problem, we will only give a casual attempt at a solution. Abuse is a serious concern that deserves our serious attention.
A central call in our community is to love God and love people. We do not shy away from the fact that this call is to love God with everything that we have, all our heart, all our soul, all our strength, and all our mind. We also recognize that loving people is not a separate call, these two are integrated with each other. They cannot exist separately. We hypocritically claim to love God if we are not loving others, and we cannot even understand what love is unless we first are loved by and reciprocate love with God. The call to love others as we love our selves is not a separate instruction, rather, it is description of HOW we love others. We love others in the same way we love ourselves. This is the priority. If I am hungry, it does not leave my attention until I have satisfied that hunger. If I am hurt, I cannot forget that it happened. The hurt stays with me and it will not get better until it is addressed. This is how we love others, as if it was happening to us. If we truly love other people, it means they matter and have the same importance as we give ourselves.
The second thing I mean when I say “priorities matters” is that we need to assess and be intentional about what matters most to us. St. Augustine talks about living a righteous life through the means of a well-ordered heart. If we prize the things that ought to be loved the most, and we give less love to things that ought to be loved less, then our lives will naturally fall into a God pleasing pattern. This requires us to consider what matters most to us. Is it people? Resources? Reputation? Safety? We have many things that matter to us, and often they are not in competition with each other. Usually, we can exist in a place where we can take care of multiple things that matter. However, what happens when we do have to chose? When the situation arises that we cannot take care of multiple needs we will protect what matters most to us, it is the natural response. And if we have failed to prioritize in a way that reflects God’s priorities, we will find ourselves in opposition to him.
I think this may be a more common occurrence than we realize. I do not think the prevalence of abuse in Christian settings has arisen because so many believers have intentionally chosen to cause harm. I think the failure lies in too many situations and too many occurrences when believers have protected the wrong priorities and it has led to very ungodly results. Priorities matter in both of these ways. That we treat abuse and harm with the same importance that we would give if it happened to us, and that we asses what matters to us in a way that reflects God’s values. It matters that we take the time to consider what priorities look like in our lives.
I started this letter with the statement that I have a concern, because I do. The issue of abuse and church hurt is one that grieves me deeply. But I also have abundant hope. I have this hope because I have faith in a God who is good and wants good things for his people, a God who has shown his ability to heal and do so with abundance. I also have hope because I have witnessed healing, I know it to be a beautiful and wonderful thing. And last (but not least) I have hope because I hear and see within this church people who share this concern with me. This hope is what leads me to think that there will be good things in store as we go through this journey of creating a space of healing.